Perspectives

What to Do When You Feel Lost

09 Feb, 2021

5 paths to find your way home.

Men have a very tough relationship to the world. We understand what it means to be goal oriented, to penetrate and dominate very well, but when we are not able to succeed using this way of being, we can feel lost, disorientated, and unsure of where to go next. The problem is, men have been tricked into thinking this way of being is the highest value, which is not only wrong, but has left us incapable of accessing that which really matters. There’s not a lot of discussion for men around getting lost and what to do about it.

Feeling lost looks different for every man.

Traditional goals can begin to feel unimportant. We get apathetic, and lose contact with any real stakes in life. We become alienated from meaning, irritable and find ourselves snapping at those closest to us.

Instead of reaching for something bigger and riskier, we try to chisel our way out of what we have.

We feel as though we can’t connect to our passions or don’t even know what our passions are. We fall into the story that everything has an excuse or somebody to blame.

We burn things down around us. If we don’t catch this quickly or come to grips with this feeling of alienation from our meaning, we lose touch with the consequences if we blow it at work, in our relationships or our creative life.

We often think about what we stand to lose in terms of what we already know. We don’t realise a lot of what we stand to lose is actually undraped, unembodied and unknown. What’s actually lost is the world losing a bigger spiritual emergence in us and the requisite changes that we might make to attract a new form and vibration of abundance.

It never gets easier to find our way home.

Our nervous systems thrive on familiarity, routine and comfort and so the more we delay and make excuses for how not to engage in this material, the harder it is for the material to make an impact. The more we tell ourselves excuses, the more we experience ourselves as being someone who we never thought we could be. This feeling of being “off” becomes our way of existing and therefore our comfortable home.

Lostness is a hunger for more.

What feeling lost is telling us is that we’re hungry for something. We’re playing a game that’s too small. This means that the world that you’re in is too small and rather than having the risk to let go of the lamp post, to go around the corner and meet your new life, you just hope that you can chisel down what you have into something that does something for you.

The Y & The X Axis for Men

This is when you know you’re playing a game that is out of the ego and in a realm that is soul. I talk about the Y versus the X axis when we’ve been playing this up, up, up, game and actually the game we need to be playing is more of an out, out, out, with more chance, more risk, more leverage of our humanity rather than leverage of our bank account and the story that everyone else is playing.

We know that there’s an undercurrent of another way of relating. We have rationalising, people saying “I’m just doing my best” or “I’m just doing what everybody else does” and then surrounding ourselves with people who validate that weak source. Nobody wants you to change because then they have to change, or then if you change they have to sit in judgement of the fact that they are living a life that is maybe a 5 out of 10 in terms of their ability to actually muster forward their ability to be in a profound participation with the universe.

How to Find Your Way Home

If you’re feeling lost, consider these four paths to finding your way back home.

1. Raise the stakes

You need to poke holes in the buffer that exists between you and the world that protects you from real accountability. This can be volunteering with services such as signing up for things that don’t make any money, or don’t make you look any better. Find ways to be accountable to somebody else’s thriving, or somebody else’s success. Volunteering at soup kitchens is an archetype example, but anything in which you are offering yourself to the needs of others.

2. Speak it into existence

Find a way to speak the exact way you are exiled from what you want to experience. You might not totally know how to even speak to it, or you’re scared to because if you did speak to it out loud, you’d be laughed at by your partner or you might scare yourself because it’s sort of like stepping out over the cliff edge.

3. Take Responsibility

There’s something powerful about being able to walk through this world embodying your full potential rather than that as a victim. Claiming responsibility of your own consciousness and knowing it is no one else’s responsibility to connect with your mission. You are responsible for everything that you relate to in your own reality. Welcome the pressure as you venture to embody a larger narrative than you even thought was possible.

4. Create physical reminders

This can be a little corny, but making a physical alter such as a board where you can stick notes or objects that represent what the other side of this impasse would look like. What your ideal life would appear as. Use these as visual queues that act as a reminder so that you can sit down in a place and feel into the part of you who desires and provides opportunities.

5. Praise in silence

Keep hope alive by energising those around you. Just like you would praise someone who inspires you such as an old teacher or co-worker or role model, keep hope alive by energising those around you. Until you are able to be an embodiment of what it is you most long to express and provide for the world and the agony that is ripping you apart, you can keep hope alive by continuing to feed others through spoken or silent praise. Bless others that have what you want, or even go out into nature and praise the beauty you see in the mountains or the trees surrounding them. Find the beauty in things outside of yourself and lift yourself by lifting others.

If you’re looking for a trusted guide to help you on this journey, feel free to reach out and book a free Connect Call, and let’s see if I can help.