Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Epidemic of Numbness in Men

21 Dec, 2020

Many of us numb out to get through life, but with men in particular, this is an epidemic. It’s not just that we were never taught how to feel, but part of our fundamental programming was to numb out — if you fall down and skin your knee, you suck up your tears and rub some dirt on it. Numb…Read More

The 5 Types of Critical Voices in Men

07 Dec, 2020

Men are often held back by multiple, mental, critical voices that hijack our reality. We think they are us, when really they are just one part of us. They are not bad. In fact, they’re actually trying desperately to protect us and keep us safe. They come online as we walk through the world, and c…Read More

Why Men Who Have Money Crave Meaning

26 Aug, 2020

In the world of soul and purpose, the currency isn’t money, it’s meaning
Growing up as men in America, we were taught that our value as humans is defined by our ability to control outcomes– through power, money and influence. 

But more of us are discovering that living a life based on the abi…Read More

3 Moments that Cracked the Guy Code

26 Apr, 2020

I never wanted to be a man.

I never wanted anything much beyond the beauty of nature, the silence of my own thoughts, and the privilege to be loved.

But this innocence was stripped from me, slowly, in stages that culminated with my forced adoption of at least the presentation of masculinity.
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The Mantrum Survival Guide

05 Mar, 2020

Abstract: In this long article, I hope to illustrate how men emotionally collapse (part 1), explain what is happening for a man when this occurs, including the larger historical + cultural context (part 2), examine the external impact of a man’s collapse on the world around him (part 3), reveal 3…Read More

Boyhood Without Rites of Passage

30 Jan, 2020

“If you don’t initiate the young, they will burn down the village to feel the heat.”
-African Proverb
It was a time of intense contrast.

How to make sense of it all? It was almost like the world was getting bigger and clearer – while at the same time getting harder to understand, with m…Read More

If You’re a Man and You Think a Trans Man Isn’t, You Haven’t Done Enough Men’s Work

25 Oct, 2019

I am not perfect.

I lead men’s groups, but I come with all kinds of biases.

I grew up inside a white, cis-gendered, hetero, middle-class, Saturday-morning cartoons John Wayne “American” version of what is gender, and what is a man.

Gender was what’s between your legs.

Gender was …Read More

Eulogy for Edward Scott Van Winkle, 4/15/1943-8/22/2019

02 Oct, 2019

I’m here to say a few words about my Dad. Before I do, I want to say a little bit about the way he died.
In the weeks before my Dad ended his life, I had been trying to sit down and write him a letter to say goodbye. I knew he was getting ready to die, and I wanted to let him know that I appreci…Read More

Men’s Work Doesn’t Work

13 Aug, 2019

When a man first encounters “men’s” work – does an MKP retreat, reads a David Deida book – there’s a simultaneous tendency to bring more intensity to relating with women. As if the book and the talk and the seminar unleash a latent capacity in him and he feels more powerful, more potent, mor…Read More