26 Apr, 2020
I never wanted to be a man.
I never wanted anything much beyond the beauty of nature, the silence of my own thoughts, and the privilege to be loved.
But this innocence was stripped from me, slowly, in stages that culminated with my forced adoption of at least the presentation of masculinity.
05 Mar, 2020
Abstract: In this long article, I hope to illustrate how men emotionally collapse (part 1), explain what is happening for a man when this occurs, including the larger historical + cultural context (part 2), examine the external impact of a man’s collapse on the world around him (part 3), reveal 3…Read More
30 Jan, 2020
“If you don’t initiate the young, they will burn down the village to feel the heat.”
It was a time of intense contrast.
How to make sense of it all? It was almost like the world was getting bigger and clearer – while at the same time getting harder to understand, with m…Read More
25 Oct, 2019
I am not perfect.
I lead men’s groups, but I come with all kinds of biases.
I grew up inside a white, cis-gendered, hetero, middle-class, Saturday-morning cartoons John Wayne “American” version of what is gender, and what is a man.
Gender was what’s between your legs.
Gender was …Read More
15 Oct, 2019
“I can’t afford that …”
“I was thinking of going to Thailand this winter, so …”
“I promise I’ll get clear on my commitment after …”
“We’re just slammed at home right now …”
“Sorry I’m late …”
Excuses are like puppies. Totally attention getting, and not very po…Read More
02 Oct, 2019
I’m here to say a few words about my Dad. Before I do, I want to say a little bit about the way he died.
In the weeks before my Dad ended his life, I had been trying to sit down and write him a letter to say goodbye. I knew he was getting ready to die, and I wanted to let him know that I appreci…Read More
13 Aug, 2019
When a man first encounters “men’s” work – does an MKP retreat, reads a David Deida book – there’s a simultaneous tendency to bring more intensity to relating with women. As if the book and the talk and the seminar unleash a latent capacity in him and he feels more powerful, more potent, mor…Read More
21 Mar, 2019
I gave a talk the other night in the Kiva at True Nature Healing Arts in Carbondale, Colorado. It’s sweet for me to feel the relationship with that space and that valley grow. I feel a lovely kind of crush sparking inside me for new people and places, including the Roaring Fork. Even as I can feel…Read More
01 Jul, 2018
Making sense of it all not analytically, but with a downward opening. Feeling in the dark, the next open room of context that makes sense of all the previous. Mostly just feeling right and most most of all feeling particular and specific. Deeply me, not from a long time ago, but honoring all that…Read More