If You’re a Man and You Think a Trans Man Isn’t, You Haven’t Done Enough Men’s Work

I am not perfect.

I lead men’s groups, but I come with all kinds of biases.

I grew up inside a white, cis-gendered, hetero, middle-class, Saturday-morning cartoons John Wayne “American” version of what is gender, and what is a man.

Gender was what’s between your legs.

Gender was …Read More

Excuses Are Like Puppies

“I can’t afford that …”
“I was thinking of going to Thailand this winter, so …”
“I promise I’ll get clear on my commitment after …”
“We’re just slammed at home right now …”
“Sorry I’m late …”
Excuses are like puppies. Totally attention getting, and not very po…Read More

Eulogy for Edward Scott Van Winkle, 4/15/1943-8/22/2019

I’m here to say a few words about my Dad. Before I do, I want to say a little bit about the way he died.
In the weeks before my Dad ended his life, I had been trying to sit down and write him a letter to say goodbye. I knew he was getting ready to die, and I wanted to let him know that I appreci…Read More

Men’s Work Doesn’t Work

When a man first encounters “men’s” work – does an MKP retreat, reads a David Deida book – there’s a simultaneous tendency to bring more intensity to relating with women. As if the book and the talk and the seminar unleash a latent capacity in him and he feels more powerful, more potent, mor…Read More

Talk + Workshops in Carbondale

I gave a talk the other night in the Kiva at True Nature Healing Arts in Carbondale, Colorado. It’s sweet for me to feel the relationship with that space and that valley grow. I feel a lovely kind of crush sparking inside me for new people and places, including the Roaring Fork. Even as I can feel…Read More

Following the Soul

Making sense of it all not analytically, but with a downward opening. Feeling in the dark, the next open room of context that makes sense of all the previous. Mostly just feeling right and most most of all feeling particular and specific. Deeply me, not from a long time ago, but honoring all that…Read More

What is Soul?

From the Soul-Tree Podcast with Ryan Holsapple

…Read More

Last advice I read

“I remind myself, in order to understand what is happening now, I must be prepared to forget what I have understood before.”
Dhyana KJ…Read More

My Last Facebook Post

This boy has a beautiful heart. His heart knows how to love.

You could even say his heart /knew/ how to love, even before he was born.

In the other world (the one we live in before we are born into this one), this boy spent all of his time loving things. Rocks, bugs, trees, people. He brea…Read More

#dancinginthekitchen